The Scottish Citizenship Test – part 1

Question 1: You’re in a bar with workmates. Do you :

  1. Go to the bar and order only yourself a drink. Ensuring you also get a glass of water so that you stay hydrated.
  2. Hope someone else will go up first.
  3. Get the pints in and then order a round of shots whilst shouting “DOWN IT! DOWN IT!”

Question 2: “Shagger” is a nickname commonly associated with

  1. A man who’s been in more holes than a mole
  2. A woman who’s handled more pricks than a cactus seller.
  3. A virgin.

Question 3: Which of these can you not shove yer grannie aff?

  1. A train
  2. A plane
  3. A bus

Question 4: Why not?

  1. It’s health and safety gone mad
  2. She doesn’t bounce
  3. Cause she’s yer mammie’s mammie

Question 5: What is Scotland’s most famous export?

  1. Whisky
  2. Shortbread
  3. Sean Connery

Question 6: The Loch Ness monster is known as

  1. Ferocious Ness
  2. Eyewit Ness
  3. Sporty Ness

Question 8: Wee Willie Winkie is

  1. An unfortunate medical condition affecting men who drive BMW’s
  2. what the www stands for in internet domain names
  3. Someone who ” rins through the toon,Up stairs an’ doon stairs in his nicht-gown,”

Question 9: You are walking down the road when a man approaches and asks what team you support do you

  1. you say how much you admire the pope
  2. you say how much you admire  the queen
  3. you say Partick Thistle.

Question 10: A gael is

  1. A windy day
  2. A woman
  3. A country bumpkin from the highlands.

Question 11: is Bute house

  1. A house made of bute
  2. A house on the island of bute
  3. Where Fat minister goes to get his dinner from Mrs Fat Minister

Question 12: What is the national language of Scotland

  1. Gaelic
  2. Doric
  3. English but add the word C*NT to every c*nting sentence!

Question 13: Does aye right mean

  1. yes correct
  2. yes to your right.
  3. “LOOK YOU!!! STOP ASKING ME STUPID QUESTIONS OR YOU’LL GET A DOING!”

If you answered mostly iii then congratulations you are now a Scottish citizen!

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