The Rt Hon Alex Salmon MSP
Fat Minister Of Scotland
Scotland is an ancient country with a proud history.
Our country is renowned for the ingenuity and creativity of our people – we were the inventors of the deep fried Mars bar, the Stornoway black pudding and Tunnocks tea cakes.
Our country is renowned for the breathtaking beauty of our land – Cumberbnauld has won carbuncle of the year, Methil has won crap town of the year and Dundee is Dundee.
Our country is renowned for brilliance of our scholars – look at the success of the pupils attending Hogwarts.
Scots have been at the forefront of the great moral, political and economic debates of our times and on Sep 18th 2014 we will finally answer the question:
“How much do we hate the English?”
Which the Scottish Government has been told has to be asked as:
‘Should Scotland be an independent country?’
The answer to that question is not just a matter for the head but one of the heart. Ignore the fact we have the highest rate of heart disease in the World.
When you enter the voting booth think to yourself – “Do I want to be reminded of the English 1966 world cup win ever again?”
Scotland will be a success! We won’t just copy Norway. With our oil billions Scotland can compete with Qatar or Dubai to buy up the world. So, for those who think the Fat Minister lacks ambition, the Fat Minister can exclusively reveal some of our future shovel ready projects:
- We will build the tallest tower in the world. Bigger than those daft horses in Falkirk. We’ll build it in Dundee so Dundonians can, with a good aim and a following wind, quite literally piss on Aberdeen.
- If Qatar can air condition the desert heat, and China can seed clouds to stop them raining, the least we can do in Scotland is build bus shelters with a roof and two walls to stop the horizontal rain. No Scotsman will need an umbrella while waiting for a bus in an independent Scotland!
- We will finish the Edinburgh trams. (This one might not happen).
To conclude, I believe in independence because I believe it will be better for all of us if decisions about Scotland are taken by the people who care most about Scotland – MSP’s. It is my absolute conviction that Scotland’s future should be in my hands.
The Fat Minister